I am drawn in most by the water imagery and the audio. I sense a mood here, but nit yet a story. Something should happen to change the character–a moment that let’s her see something maybe?
I am surprised by the deer and the “I listen” as I think maybe that natural world could help her see something if she listened as deeply to it as to herself. Maybe you can draw more parallels–have her spend time in natural places that evoke something…nature always communicate if you listen long enough.
what would it say to her?
I also think water, rain, is important.
Finally, i think the text can be very simple–not so much playing and animation, more gentle movements, coherence. Maybe fading text would work better–slow fade out & in.
Format could work here if you can evoke the story–see the seven stage exercise as it might help you find the plot/character change you need.
I am drawn in most by the water imagery and the audio. I sense a mood here, but nit yet a story. Something should happen to change the character–a moment that let’s her see something maybe?
I am surprised by the deer and the “I listen” as I think maybe that natural world could help her see something if she listened as deeply to it as to herself. Maybe you can draw more parallels–have her spend time in natural places that evoke something…nature always communicate if you listen long enough.
what would it say to her?
I also think water, rain, is important.
Finally, i think the text can be very simple–not so much playing and animation, more gentle movements, coherence. Maybe fading text would work better–slow fade out & in.
Format could work here if you can evoke the story–see the seven stage exercise as it might help you find the plot/character change you need.
This has potential; now at a C level.