Full draft on wordpress. Working on creating the images for the blog next.
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i’d like the adult conversation in Ch 5 to have even more plot significance…
I like this pairing:
“I don’t understand where her tantrums come from. No matter what I say, she always thinks she’s right,” I could hear Mrs. Carlton sigh.
AND
“Sweetie, Dandelions are weeds,” Mrs. Carlton replied. That only made Tara more angry. Tara started stomping down the road towards her house.
Mrs Carlton does not LISTEN to her daughter, she correct her–thus tantrums…
like teachers not always listening to the students…
“I don’t know why you even talk to her. She’s got that issue and all. Shouldn’t you like someone smarter? or cuter”–> more indirect –>”“I don’t know why you even talk to her. She’snot your type.” that also insults both of them…
Im wondering why report card isn’t more upsetting—though cover that up with jokes would be believable…more complex if both…
Ch 9–we never get to the report card—i’m in 8 yr old hell…make something of this!!
ch 10:
You mentioned that Bruce might be coming over too? She brought him up today too. She said he was starting to be nice to her because Mason said so,” she laughed.—we know this but few parents do–most kids don’t talk about that–at least not so soon. maybe parents have their own assumptions that are a bit “off” maybe funny or tragic, Like “Are you sure it’s ok for our children to be playing with Bruce…”
ch 11:
“Natalie, why are you hanging out with these guys? This is not cool. Come on Natalie lets go play somewhere else,” she started tugging lightly on Natalie’s arm. Right on, except i’d cut out the middle sentence–it’s already implied & redundant.
Ch 12
“He showed me a few tricks on remembering where certain states were”–show the tricks, like the 5 multiplication this story could have tricks for learning all the ay through, so really useful to a real child like Natalie
While I like the title, I’m beginning to prefer ” A Bag of Tricks” or something like that–and maybe even a story with some trick–either academic or social–in each chapter. a how-to for kids to succeed at school.
Each character could have a trick…not just Mason or John…Natalie know how to make dandelion crowns…include her recipe…
i’d like the adult conversation in Ch 5 to have even more plot significance…
I like this pairing:
“I don’t understand where her tantrums come from. No matter what I say, she always thinks she’s right,” I could hear Mrs. Carlton sigh.
AND
“Sweetie, Dandelions are weeds,” Mrs. Carlton replied. That only made Tara more angry. Tara started stomping down the road towards her house.
Mrs Carlton does not LISTEN to her daughter, she correct her–thus tantrums…
like teachers not always listening to the students…
“I don’t know why you even talk to her. She’s got that issue and all. Shouldn’t you like someone smarter? or cuter”–> more indirect –>”“I don’t know why you even talk to her. She’snot your type.” that also insults both of them…
Im wondering why report card isn’t more upsetting—though cover that up with jokes would be believable…more complex if both…
Ch 9–we never get to the report card—i’m in 8 yr old hell…make something of this!!
ch 10:
You mentioned that Bruce might be coming over too? She brought him up today too. She said he was starting to be nice to her because Mason said so,” she laughed.—we know this but few parents do–most kids don’t talk about that–at least not so soon. maybe parents have their own assumptions that are a bit “off” maybe funny or tragic, Like “Are you sure it’s ok for our children to be playing with Bruce…”
ch 11:This is not cool. Come on Natalie lets go play somewhere else,” she started tugging lightly on Natalie’s arm. Right on, except i’d cut out the middle sentence–it’s already implied & redundant.
“Natalie, why are you hanging out with these guys?
Ch 12
“He showed me a few tricks on remembering where certain states were”–show the tricks, like the 5 multiplication this story could have tricks for learning all the ay through, so really useful to a real child like Natalie
While I like the title, I’m beginning to prefer ” A Bag of Tricks” or something like that–and maybe even a story with some trick–either academic or social–in each chapter. a how-to for kids to succeed at school.
Each character could have a trick…not just Mason or John…Natalie know how to make dandelion crowns…include her recipe…
Just some thoughts.