Warnock Draft

The Mother

A bead of sweat ran down her mother’s face.  Many more lay still on her forehead, glistening in the candlelight.  She was burning up despite the cold wind blowing in through the window.  Charlotte dabbed her head with a handkerchief.

“It’s alright, Amma, it should be over soon.”  She laid her head down on her mother’s chest and held her tight.  Her garments were damp, but it didn’t bother Charlotte like it usually would have.  Her mother had been fighting the fever for months, but it had never been this bad.

She felt the hair draped over her face brushed away by warm soft fingers.  “If you want to look like a princess you’ll have to keep your hair out of your eyes,” her mother spoke softly.  “Come here little bird.”  As Charlotte looked up she saw her mother pull the satin red ribbon from her hair.  Without it she looked so plain, so tired.  She lifted the hair from the nape of Charlottes neck and pulled the soft ribbon up around her head.  Charlotte always imagined the ribbon to be warm and velvety, but it was cold and slick as it touched her skin.  Wearing it wasn’t as magical as she’d always imagined.

The Travelers

The city walls now lay in the distance. This is the farthest she had ever been from home.
She thought about turning back, but she had done too much damage at home. They wouldn’t forgive her just yet.
She kept walking, but a thirst grew upon her. She hadn’t thought to bring food or water. Luckily, she heard running water in the distance. It couldn’t be too far. As she walked it got louder and louder; the river must have been flowing quickly. Only a group of trees lay between her and the water now.
Charlotte grabbed the last tree of the thicket, bracing herself for the final step that would bring her into the sweet sunshine, when movement other than the glimmering water caught her eye. She stood straight and unmoving, watching carefully as the moving figures entered the shallow part of the river. There were two of them there, bathing. A man’s body was new sight for Charlotte, but looking embarrassed her.
There was a tent about 3 yards back from the shore.
She decided to sneak to the tent, see if there were any supplies she could take.
As she nears the tent she hears the two travelers making noise in the river. shouting. But they weren’t shouting at her.
When she decided she was safe she pulled back the opening of the tent, revealing a modest dwelling within. There was bread on the table! She hurried across the tent and as she reached for the bread a hand clamped her wrist.
“And who is this little bird?” a voice asked from beside her.
“I am Snow White, the lost princess of Blackhaven. I am (lost? travelling? Needs food for her trip)”
“Why is a princess travelling by herself? It can’t be wise.”
“I don’t have to answer to a peasant.”
To be continued…

The Bears

As Charlotte continued down the trail she found herself entering deeper and deeper woods. The trees stretched above her head for what seemed like forever. The light hid above them, leaving much to be imagined within. Her heart started to flutter nervously in her chest, but she couldn’t turn back now. While she couldn’t know what lay ahead, there was definite danger behind.
She walked as silently as she could. The dirt was dry and crumbled beneath her feet. The recent drought was slowly exhausting the shrubbery, leaving dead twigs and branches as obstacles for every step. Her stomach growled as hunger started to consume her. How long had she been travelling? 3 days?
In the dim light she manages to spot a bunch of bushes. If she is too weak to walk at least she could keep cover in them. But they had berries! She ate and ate until her belly was full. Time for a nap. She was almost asleep when she heard rustling coming from inside one of the bushes. Her heart started racing. She thought she was alone that whole time. She tried to quietly back off, but a large creature came out of the bushes right at her! She cried in terror. She couldn’t make out what kind of animal it was, but she knew it was a predator.
“What are you?” She asked with more fear in her voice than she had liked. “I am the princess Snow White, I command you to stand down!” She said with more authority this time.
It walked slowly closer, and the shadows revealed that it was a bear cub. It was just sniffing her. It didn’t seem to want to harm her. It circled Charlotte, and then sat down right next to her, mimicking her.
“What are you up to?” she asked it. Maybe she found a new friend and companion. “Where did you come from? Would you like to travel with me? It would be a lot nicer not to travel through these scary woods alone.”
Of course the bear didn’t respond, but then again she didn’t really need it to. Charlotte was ready to get up and call the bear to come with her, when she felt another set of eyes on her. “Do you feel that?” She asked her new friend, pulling him closer. “It’s eerie isn’t it? Feeling another’s eyes upon you, but not knowing who’s or where they are. What their intentions are. Let’s move, friend. We need to get out of here.”
When she tried pull the cub with her, it whimpered. “Come on,” she begged, “it’s not safe here!” But the bear wouldn’t move. Suddenly there were loud, trembling footsteps coming closer. The earth almost shook beneath them. Charlotte lost her footing and fell to the ground. She cowered behind the cub and buried her face into the his warm fur.
The footsteps came right up to them then stopped. But nothing was happening. Why has she not been harmed yet? The cub nuzzled it’s face into her head and then he slowly pulled himself away from her. Although she was no longer shielded, she couldn’t bring herself to raise her gaze just yet. The cub was making sounds, but they didn’t sound scared or angry, but rather….happy.
She slowly raised her head to see two creatures in an embrace. The cub was nestled quite nicely in the arms of another. Another bear. His mother? They nuzzled each other. Charlotte felt suddenly very uncomfortable. She didn’t mean to steal the cub from his mother, and she didn’t mean to intrude on this loving moment. But the animals didn’t seem to mind. They seemed to want to show it.
The mother bear looked up at Charlotte and growled. Not loudly, not fiercly, but in a manner that certainly conveyed that it was time for her to move on. Charlotte didn not belong here. This was not her family, and the cub was not hers to take with her. He belonged with his mother where he was nurtured and safe.
She stood up and walked away slowly. She looked over her shoulder at the family, and saw that they were looking back. These woods were dark and mysterious, but she felt she did have companions now, even if they weren’t by her side.

with a close family like the bears, the little one felt safe to go explore the dangers of the world. it was being looked after. It could grow at it’s own pace. But Charlotte never had that luxury. She was left without a mother too young.
if she takes the bear with her, she learns that the having a caring family will raise you to be independent and make your own choices.
If the bear decides to stay with the mother she learns that family is important and you don’t abandon them to be selfish.

The Dwarves

Coming soon.

One thought on “Warnock Draft”

  1. The concise scenes are vivid and yet have mystery embedded–the red ribbon disappoints…she can’t so back home because unforgiven (for what?)…”there was definite danger behind.” these kinds of quick details make her intriguing and mysterious.

    Make sure you keep tense consistent–past seems to be your main tense, but reverts to present in Travelers, and also in The Bear. You can keep in past tense with the same effect–move to present is jarring and disrupts the “willing suspension of disbelief” you have set up well

    “with a close family like the bears, the little one felt safe to go explore the dangers of the world. it was being looked after. It could grow at it’s own pace. But Charlotte never had that luxury. She was left without a mother too young.” Yes–this is what your story could SHOW–as it begins to in the early scenes. It’s pretty clear there’s a parallel to the loss of her mother…so that doesn’t need to be said.

    it would be interesting to see the consequence of the 2 choices you set up.

    are they linked to the unforgiven deeds? should the bears know about this? do the bears take her further from that? or bring her back to it–even if in a roundabout way? does she go home or further away?

    I like the way this story explore the consequences of mother loss. Adrienne Rich, the poet once said that most people in our culture are “wildly unmothered” because our culture doesn’t know how to support mothers in this work…

    if so, then learning how to mother is a critical task of our time. Maybe Charlotte learns this both from loss and from what she later learns…are the dwarves also unmothered?

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