For my project, I would really like to do a digital version of a story I wrote last semester for my ENG307 class- which can be read below. The story is not complete in its current form, and I plan to expand upon it in even greater detail right down to the world: its culture and laws, how it functions. (maybe a built-in encyclopedia of sorts?) It has amazing potential according to a few of my peers who have read it, and I am excited to explore the potential.
The digital aspect of the project comes in with a program called
. Ren’py is incredibly versatile and allows for a variety of games or visual novels with vast customization. I’m not entirely sure what how I want to do it- as the format in which the story is written in a unique manner.
Thoughts/Comments/Questions are appreciated!
Red. Bright red. Bright red cloth. Bright red cloth fluttering. The noise waking her up. Awake. Eyes opened. Arm stretched reaching. Reaching for something nearby. Something nearby wasn’t there apparently. Ugh. How bothersome. Back to sleep. Sleep normally not gotten. She yawned, retreating into blankets. Warm. Happy sigh. Cozy, safe, quiet. The quiet settled in. It was peaceful, something uncommon. Waiting. Waiting for… Waiting for what? Waiting for the noise? Waiting for noise that wasn’t? Odd. Too odd. She sat up. Why was it quiet? A knight should be patrolling. Always. Always vigilant. Always someone watching. It was routine, protocol. Who wasn’t at their post?
Inhale. Breath slowly. Get up, breathe. Slow, quiet, get up. Move without alerting potential enemies. Exhale. Stay low now. Get to the door. Listen to the other side. Nothing. No movement. No loud clanks. Nothing to indicate anyone. Press down on the door handle. Open. Swing out. Peer around corner. Go back for sword. Return to door, step out.
Patience. She waited. It was quiet. Still too naturally quiet. Something was clearly not right. Steady. Begin walking. She stayed alert. Trained nerves of steel. Up to the main hall. Faster. Now strolling. Larger strides now. No more creeping around. She just knew, something happened.
Blood. Blood everywhere. Stairs just covered. Not just the stairs. The knights, brave knights blood. Bodies. Everywhere, bloody. Murdered, brutally, efficiently. She gripped the hilt. Sword now outside its scabbard. Focus. Don’t cry. Mourn them later. Find the killers now. Find those still alive later.
Red. So much. So much blood. She was not prepared. Could you be for that? No. War, yes. You could train. War was much different. You could prepare for war. Upstairs. Still silence. Her footsteps alone. Echoes bounced off walls. Things had become borderline eerie. Inhale. Be calm. Listen for sound. Hear something not there. Listen for what was missing. Crying. Crying was. Crying was missing from nothing. Why? Sudden panic. The mentor’s room. No one was crying because….
Because her partner had murdered.
The pacing is swift, and tense. You establish a chilling mystery, and an anxious yet brave protagonist. I don’t know the context for this scene, or the characters, so I don’t feel much emotion of them, though I might if I knew them–maybe some flashback in the first paragraph in the waking up scene?
You seem to set up the protagonist to take action–so this is a game, eh?
I don’t understand the last line. Or the situation. Knights? It’s a modern voice, so why knights?
You can definitely work with this material–beef up back story, get me caring about plot & characters, and then propose a quest–but I’m not so keep on revenge; more like solving a mystery would appeal to me.