“I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t make the rules.”
A look of genuine empathy softened the officer’s eyes. He ripped a small piece of paper from his notepad, handed it to Kaur, and tucked the booklet back in the pocket of his deep blue shirt.
“This is a citation for the illegal sale of food products without a license. I know this seems harsh, but for health and safety reasons, you need the proper documentation.”
“I have the proper documentation.” Kaur hissed. His polite and pleasant demeanor was beginning to chip away; this argument was going nowhere.
“Sir, I’m sorry, but you need the license. You can’t sell food without the right FSV license.”
“I have the FSV!” Kaur indicated one of the many tiny, laminated squares which were displayed on the side of his cart. “It’s right there!”
“Sir, the FSV-2 license is not the same as FSV-3. You need the V-3.”
Kaur couldn’t believe this was happening. 4 months of applications, certifications, paperwork, trips to City Hall, and for what? “This is a mobile food-service operation. It’s a hot dog stand!”
“Sir, the V-2 is for mobile food-service operations both self-contained and self-powered. A food truck is legally a sort of moving kitchen – ”
“This is a ‘moving kitchen,’ man!”
“No, sir. Food prepared inside a vehicle, like a food truck, is covered under the V-2 license. Because you prepare the food outside of an enclosure, mobile or otherwise, you need the FSV-3.”
“That’s not what they told me at City Hall!” Kaur ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled deeply, as he tried to retain his composure. He pointed to the grid of paperwork on the side of his cart, and began to list them off one by one. “They told me in order to have the stand I need the BTC, the FPI, the Zoning Clearance, the FBN, the OSH, the S&U permit, the SIT, the EIN, the PRR and the GOD DAMN FSV!”
“Sir, I’m telling you, you need the FSV-3.” The officer’s weary eyes were squinted in exasperation. “I don’t know who you were talking to at City Hall, but you do not have the legal clearance to sell food products here at this time. I was sent here specifically by the Department because it was reported by the city that you are operating this business illegally.”
“You’re telling me somebody at City Hall sent you to fine me for operating with the wrong permit, issued to me by City Hall?” Kaur inspected the citation and ground his teeth as he saw he could be fined $1000 dollars.”
“I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t make the rules.”
Wow. You add a lot of good imagery into your work which makes the story flow really well. For instance, talking about the officers’ look of “genuine empathy” right from the first sentence. It makes it really strong. I also think your use of italics to add emphasis to how words are said in your story works very well. It’s a good snip it of an everyday life story. I think it can either be left as a short story as it is, or you could take it further, for instance him going to city hall to figure things out, and running into the person who lead him astray.
I dont really have critiques. I think it was a strong piece, well done!
The dialogue and the tension both pulled me in. I like that the officer is sympathetic but caught also in bureaucracy. I could see even more sensory detail making the scene vivid–the smell of hotdogs, Kaur handing one with mustard slipping onto his wrist that he licks off. The officer, sniffing them and getting hungry as he’s writing the permit–so that the legal and sensory aspects are at odds with each other.
I’m wondering if this scene makes any kind of even furtive contact happen between these two men–as human beings–beneath the harsh bureaucracy? that would be poignant–a moment of contact but it fades into the machine…
Can you think of a way for this lot to expand? i.e. how will Kaur solve his dilemma?
It might be interesting to look at alternatives that others have tried–some may fail but be promising (like Kaur?) or maybe others seem far-fetched but could be a way out? which kind of story would Kaur’s be?
Many of the class resources can show some options:
http://www.yesmagazine.org/commonomics/what-legalizing-street-vending-could-do-for-las-local-economy-20160223
and
http://www.yesmagazine.org/@@search?b_start:int=10&SearchableText=main%20street