One thought on “Assignment 4b/Final-Garrett C, Luca S”
Sarah has glasses, it might be interesting if she was also using the contacts…and they had to figure things out together and separately…this could end up as another branch–and either her uncle can help him, or she too gets suspicious, and decides to take hers off…
The story structure and concept is fine, but it feels like it’ missing something for me.
Danny learns that the contacts don’t work, but that’s not a very deep character change–he just find a piece of bad tech. Is there ea way to thicken the plot, increase the stakes (i don’t mean lose his eyesight or die, but confront a change…)
Maybe he first reaches out to Sarah, and because hers are working fine, she dismisses his concerns until it’s dangerous for him, Then the friendship is also at stake. Somehow I think involving her could be key–
Also, if you involve Sarah, her vision issues could be different–maybe noticeable to the reader but not to her. And maybe fatal to her. And so Danny must not only get his off, but make sure he gets to her in time too?
Also not every passage needs a visual. And also Sarah’s could be just subtly changed , like a gradually increasing blue shift that she doesn’t notice but the reader does, for example.
Finally use an image (from your story) link to get to your Twine story, as well as a text link beneath it.
Sarah has glasses, it might be interesting if she was also using the contacts…and they had to figure things out together and separately…this could end up as another branch–and either her uncle can help him, or she too gets suspicious, and decides to take hers off…
The story structure and concept is fine, but it feels like it’ missing something for me.
Danny learns that the contacts don’t work, but that’s not a very deep character change–he just find a piece of bad tech. Is there ea way to thicken the plot, increase the stakes (i don’t mean lose his eyesight or die, but confront a change…)
Maybe he first reaches out to Sarah, and because hers are working fine, she dismisses his concerns until it’s dangerous for him, Then the friendship is also at stake. Somehow I think involving her could be key–
Also, if you involve Sarah, her vision issues could be different–maybe noticeable to the reader but not to her. And maybe fatal to her. And so Danny must not only get his off, but make sure he gets to her in time too?
Also not every passage needs a visual. And also Sarah’s could be just subtly changed , like a gradually increasing blue shift that she doesn’t notice but the reader does, for example.
Finally use an image (from your story) link to get to your Twine story, as well as a text link beneath it.